Well, today’s already been a rough day and i’ve never seen 30 minutes be as big as a full day when you’re upset and thinking about suicide ‘coz your fed up with life and you think you aint strong enough to say what you want to who you want when you want. Since the main concept in this blog was forme to talk about what i want when i want even though i know that almost no one will be reading this, i’ll just talk.
I’ve had a great test yesterday and i dont feel like i’ve gone as good as i wanted to and that got me straight at the stomach, one other thing is bothering m wich is the fact that i just cant express my feelings to those who really needed to hear it, just to some friends whom i trust blindly. I really wish i could tell Cah what i feel about her but that just wont be possible atm though i really wanted to. Why wouldnt it be possible? It’s because i dunno how and i still lack strenght and self-trust.
Not much to write now but as long as i feel like writing something else i’ll just edit this post untill i feel like it has fullfilled its roll.
PS: I dont really expect anyone to answer this but if anyone feels like so, just do it and i’ll be glad 🙂
–Complemento as of 27/09
WTF has this week been? Not even a single day i managed to talk to who i wanted. Well, if you’re to consider 20min of daily chat through msn as something, then i’ll have something but i cant label that as something, rather label it as nothing because it aint obviously the same thing. Was it in the past i’d rather have had talked to her by msn rather then face to face as i do now realize that human contact is vital to overcome loneliness, even if a smile or just a friendly hand on your shoulder should be enough for a couple of hours but of course you do want more and more and that person probably will give you more smiles but then again you wont be happy just with the smiles, you’ll want a hug and start depending on that person.
Okay, depending on a person is but isnt good and when you loose control of yourself for just a minute you’ll end up wanting not just the hug, but the person itself for you. All i can say atm is that this tinny line that splits the friendship and something-more-than-that is in front of me but i just dont know if i can cross it or not. Probably i’d only stand a chance if i found a way to bring her out of the normal lifeline she follows, where all that matters this year is study, study and i bit more study. Oh damnit, it would be good if only she would read it i’d risk say i’d be happy 🙂